Tag Archives: Fiction

What publicity stunt should Putin do next?

It’s no secret that Russia’s elected dictator oops, ugh, President Putin is rather fond of doing crazy shit o establish his place as an alpha male. Whether it’s formula one racing, hang gliding with cranes, hunting Siberian tigers, and doing a bunch of other stuff with his shirt off, it’s pretty clear he loves being the center of attention. For a former director of the KBG who is involved with selling arms to repressive regimes while violating civil rights in his own country, I just can’t view him as evil. He is just too goofy. Me and a couple of classmates from my Russian Lit class came up with some ideas for what he should pull next. In no particular order:

1. Guest star at a Professional Bull Riding (PBR) tournament
2. Approve for his likeness to be used as a playable fighter in the next Mortal Kombat
3. Perform on a polar bear themed float at Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
4. Become an ordained minister in The Church of Subgenius
5. Tour with Parliament Funkadelic as a pimped out version of Alexander Pushkin
6. Compete in Lucha Libre
7. Walk a tightrope across the Grand Canyon
8. Portray Count Vronksy in a “liberty taking” remake of Anna Karenina
9. Wrestle crocodiles in Australia
10. Be a Merman at Sea World
11. Dance at Chippendales
12. Become the new mascot for Dos Equis (after all he is the TRUE Most Interesting Man in the World)

If you have any other good ideas for stuff he should do, please share!


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Review of Anna Karenina

After one long month, I have finally finished Anna Karenina. While it is the most cited candidate for Best Novel Ever, I find it very difficult for me to assess it. Parts of it were absolutely enthralling, such as the scene where Levin scythes grass with with the serfs; while other parts I couldn’t help but skim through. My problem was that I had two read two Parts a week and keep up with a 35 page a day minimum quota lest I fall behind. Combined with two or three other books for different classes, it made reading Anna Karenina a chore. Being a novel grand in scope and covering all the hot topics of 1870s Russia, I feel that I would have needed to read it at my own leisure to get the most out of it. Taking two lit classes has really shown me that reading literature for a course is a two edged sword. You are able to discuss the material thoroughly with your peers and a paid expert; but you need to juggle it with so much else and cannot give the books the attention the need and possibly deserve.

Because of these reasons I cannot give it a rating, though I can see why it is one of Oprah’s Favorite Books, lol. I was rather hestitant about having to read it because of its length and because of the long Slavic names that all sound the same. Actually, once you understand how Russian names work (and with the internet there’s no reason you can’t learn) it’s really not that bad and the usage of given, patronymic, and family names can actually help keep track of how everyone is related. Trust me. However, there are so many characters that it can be difficult to keep track of them all, which is usually the case with any work with loads of characters. Many readers of Tolstoy and Dostoevski keep notebooks cataloguing the full names of all the characters, fortunately the translation my class read had that provided in the index. This particular translation is highly praised. It was done by Richard Pevear and and Larissa Volokhonsky, who are a husband-and-wife team with the advantage of one being an Anglophone while the other’s first language was Russian. There work is highly praised, so if you decide to read Anna Karenina I recommend reading their version.

Hopefully someday I will be able to reread Anna Karenina when I have time to do so at my own pace. Now I really want to read War and Peace, and NOT just to say that I did.

All easy classes are alike; each challenging class is challenging in its own way.


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Graduation is Tomorrow!

I can’t believe tomorrow is the big day, I will be graduate with my BA. All those years of dedication and hard work are finally over. Now my education is done and I can begin my the rest of my adult life. I have my academic robes purchases, and I have made sure the colors and length of my hood is correct. Not sure what I will do and where I will go now, all I know is that a discernable section of my life is behind me. It doesn’t seem like all that long ago I was sitting down to my first class of English 101. and it seems like only yesterday that I wrote a post about my perception of time.

robes robes ii proccession


Pretending is so fun.


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Crunch + Comes in a Bag = Not Always Chips

Nameless aquaintance: Cheetoes are my favorite kind of chips!

Me: Except for one small detail, Cheetoes are not chips.

NA: But they’re crunchy and they come in a bag!

Me: So are pretzels. Cheetoes are cheese puffs. Do you consider other kinds of cheese puffs to be chips?

NA: No.

Me: Then why do you STILL think cheetoes are chips?

NA: Because they’re made buy the same people who make Lays and Doritos!

Me: Frito-Lay is owned buy Pepsi-Co, so buy your “logic” all of those fine products are actually soda. Hey, they’re made by the same people!

NA: Cheetoes are chips! They come in a bag, they’re crunchy, and you buy them in a vending machine!

Me: Pretzels make all of your listed criteria. So by your sloppy reasoning pretzels too are chips.

NA: But pretzels aren’t chips!

Me: Correct. Chips by definition have to be sliced off of something, usually a potato or tortilla, and fried. Neither applies to pretzels nor Cheetos.

NA: Cheetos are too chips!

Me: Have you read the bottom of a bag of Lays, Doritos, or Fritos? They all say specifically that they are chips. Cheetos bags say they are a “cheese flavored snack,” not chips.

NA: Does all fruit need to be labeled for it to be fruit?

Me: No. And you what? Forget it. Either your too stubborn to change your mind, or your too proud to admit you were wrong.



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Freedom vs. Security

Mr. Free: I used to get all my news online, but now I buy newspapers with cash because I don’t wan’t the NSA knowing I like Al Jazeera.

Mr. Secure: That’s preposterous! The NSA does America an invalueble service.

Mr. Free: I don’t consider having my Constitutional rights shredded a service!

Mr. Secure: I’m sure a terrorist would say the same thing! Unless you’re doing something terrible you have no reason to hide what your doing.

Mr. Free: To bad the NSA didn’t get the memo!

Mr. Secure: That’s different. They need to moniter all electronic communication to prevent terrorist attacks!

Mr. Free: I’ll give them that. If they didn’t do all that then they wouldn’t have known that the Tsarnaev brothers frequented Al Qaeda’s website and that they were wiretapped by Russia. Good job foiling them.

Mr. Secure: Well, umm, they can’t stop everything! Without the program all terrorist attacks would go unchecked. Our American liberty could be lost!

Mr. Free: I think it already is.

Mr. Secure: Like Dick Cheney said, Snowden and other whistleblowers are cowards!

Mr. Free: That’s hilarious coming from a guy who got five deferrments from Vietnam! Have you seen Dr. Strangelove by any chance?

Mr. Secure: No, I’ve heard it’s pretty good.

Mr. Free: Well then let’s stop talking politics and watch it.


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A Tale of Three Primates

Here’s a joke that got a friend of mine in trouble in Boy Scouts!:

A gorilla, an orangutang, and a monkey are walking in the jungle (yes, I know gorillas and orangutangs don’t live in the same areas). Soon they chance upon a shiny metal object stuck in the mud. They pull it out of the muck and wipe it off. When they do that a large genie comes out of the lamp and says:

          “I will grant you each one wish. It may be whatever you desire.”

So the gorilla says:

          “I wish all the other gorillas in the world were female, super hot, and attracted to me!”

          “Your wish is granted.” The genie said.
Then the orangutang said:

          “I wish all the orangutangs in the world were female, super hot, and attracted to me!”

          “Your wish is granted.” The genie said.

Then it the monkey said:

           “I wish those two were gay!”




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